In my life I have had two incidents where I have been bullied by my boss. The first when I was an 18 year old junior receptionist and then later in my late twenties. I came across another one.
In both instances there was one thing that was the same. The boss liked to use the power of their position to bully their employee - me. The first case when I was 18 I went to the owner of the car sales yard where I was working to report that my immediate supervisor was bullying me and I was getting the blame for something he did and he was threatening to take money from my wages to pay for the incident. Basically he had broken the cash register before I even arrived at work this particular day then told me to fix it. When I couldn't work out what was wrong I called the store to get someone to come out and repair it. It had run out of paper and was not broken. But he'd been using it and I wasn't even there when it stopped working and being 18 I had not idea what was wrong with it due to inexperience. It was after all my first fulltime job. So for him to threaten taking the service call out of my wages when really he should have tried to fix it when he was using it when it stopped working instead of passing it onto me when I started work. He had always been a very bossy and dominating person and treated me the junior as if I was dirt where he was as nice as pie to the other secretary who was in her 30's at the time. He just used his power over me and my age and inexperience against me.
Anyway I reported this to the owner thinking that he would talk to my supervisor about the situation so my wages wouldn't get docked. And basically the owner turned around and told me that he was the accountant (meaning my supervisor) and I was a junior receptionist and he was not prepared to say anything about it and if I wanted to leave I could. I was devastated! So I did I quit.
Anyway. I had another incident 10 years later with another boss who told me that I would never get anywhere in the company as I didn't have a college degree. And he always shut the door to criticise me whenever he could without anyone hearing. It was always a personal attack I never once got in trouble for something to do with my work performance. It was always I was too loud or some other personal character assassination. On my performance reviews there was never any criticism just praise at how well I did my job. I ended up leaving one day when he pushed me too far. I'd been back at work after Maternity leave for about six months and decided that I'd rather be home with my baby then putting up with his crap.
Anyway after these two incidents I have come to realise that these two men just got a kick out of criticising someone who was in lower position then themselves. And in order to make them feel powerful in their managerial position they had to be-little other people. It's worth mentioning that everybody who was in the department before this Manager got the job, ended up leaving and moving to another job or out of town to get away from him. It became apparent that anyone with more knowledge in the job then him I had ten years experience and had sat exams yet he got the Managerial position just because he had a college degree and managerial experience it didn't matter that he had no experience in Insurance claims what so ever. Anyway anyone with more knowledge then him made him feel threaten because we knew more then him. So therefore he slowly made the work environment uncomfortable for those people so they would leave and he could put newer less experienced people on so that he could train them his way. I was one of the last to leave. Keep in mind I had worked for this company for 10 years and had had many different bosses in the different sections that I worked in and had never had a problem with any other bosses in this company.
Any way back to the bullying. The reason I told you about these two incidents is because these bosses where bullys. No different to school yard bullies. Just older and unfortunately in a higher position which makes it very difficult.
My only suggestion for this situation is. If you are being bullied by your boss - leave and get a different job. Your life will be alot happier and you'll gain more experience. And you should always work in a environment where your skills and experience are appreciated and not criticised. The prospect of being unemployed when you are in that situation is scary I know, but sometimes leaving one job opens the door to another where you gain more life experiences. Why stay in a job where you are not happy. The money is not the only thing that is important. Daily happiness when you have to spend so many hours at work is also very important.
So if you are being bullied in any form in your current employment - quit and get then get off your backside and find a new job. Don't wait for one to come to you. I have never been on unemployment in my entire life. Put the effort in and you'll be rewarded.
Oh and just so you know. It is now 11 years since I left the Insurance Company job because of the bully boss. I now own my own successful business and Manage staff!!!! What goes around comes around. Oh and my staff are treated with respect, dignity and friendship and I value their contribution and pay them accordingly.The only thing I will not tolerate is bludging on the job. Do an honest days work and you'll be rewarded is my phylosphy. My old boss left about a year after me as my section became redundant so they all lost their jobs. He had to move town to a smaller position at a country branch! What goes around comes around!!!
28 December, 2006
How do I handle the bullying?
Whenever we are being bullied it is always going to affect us. The main thing that you can do is not personalise what the bully is saying to you.
Remember you can never control someone elses actions. You can only control yourself.
I did not learn this important message until I was well into my adult years. I wish I had known about it and understood it when I was a teenager. It certainly would have made things back then easier.
You can never change someone. Whether it is your partner, husband, work collegue or boss. So if they are doing something that upsets you or saying nasty and hurtful things to you to get a reaction. The only thing you can do about it is deal with how you handle the situation. And the best thing I can suggest is to walk away from it or don't be in the environment where the negative occurs.
So if you are being bullied at school. You really need to handle it in the right manner when it first starts happening. If it goes on and on for too long your self assteem will be affected and you won't clearly be able to deal with the situation as it will becomes all consuming.
When someone starts to bully you. You need to remove yourself from the situation. If they say a smart comment. Ignore it and walk away and go and do something else. If they do not get a reaction out of you they will soon loose interest. Do not say anything back. This is the most important thing. If you say anything to defend yourself you will only get another reaction back. You must say nothing each and every time. Also be careful of your body language as sometimes this speaks louder then words. Walk away confidentally without making a sound, sigh or shrugg. Next make sure you stay in a public area and are never on your own. Try and stay with friends. Tell your close friends whats going on and get them to walk away from the person with you.
The bully will definately keep trying, so keep doing exactly the same thing. Never comment or argue back. Say nothing!!!!!
If the bullying is a more physical type of bullying. You basically have two options. You can stand up for yourself and physically fight back - but this is not always practical as usually the bully picks a smaller, weaker person to pick on. You don't see many 5 foot bullys picking on a 6 foot footballer. So defending yourself might not be appropriate for you. So I suggest you walk away too. Even if you are being called a chicken and kids are laughing at you. Walk away. The bully is the one that needs an attitude fix not you. Walk away. Stay in a public place and don't go off on your own where the bully might find you. Also keep a friend close at all times who will be a witness for you. If you are on your own it is the bullys word against yours and people will normally side with the bully as they are the stronger more confident talker and will get them selves out of trouble by lying.
The next option is to report it. Firstly report it to your parents and keep them informed as to what is happening. Then together with your parents report it to the Principal of the school. If no action go to the head of the Education Department.
Unfortunately reporting the incident sometimes makes the bullying worse. If this happens do what I did for my daughter. Change schools remove your child from the situation before it gets too bad. Oh and even if your child swears they can handle it and they want to stay at the same school don't let them. If the bullying is affecting your childs emotional health and his or her studies are suffering because of it. You must as a parent take action to remove your child from the situation. They are not the cause of the problem! remember this! When they get to a new environment with a totally new group of kids they have a clean slate. They can start again. They may never be bullied again. Don't let your child stay in this emotionally damaging environment.
The fear of starting at a new school and making new friends is bad I know. This is why I never changed schools and put up with it all through high school and then left in year 10 the first chance I could get out of there. I was too scared to change schools I felt more comfortable in a familiar environment the fear of the unknown school was more powerful to me then the bullying. My mother never realised how bad it was for me and never offered to put me in a different school. I actually didn't know at that age that I could even go to a different school I just presumed I had to stay there at that same school and was afraid to ask my mother was I allowed to change schools. My school life would have been very different if my parents did put me in a different school, but my mother was never bullied at school so she didn't understand and it wasn't until I was an adult that I told her about it.
This is why when it got so bad with my daughter I did not hesitate. She wanted to change schools, but even if she had said no. I would have made her. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and this is one of those times. She was hell scared the first day at her new school especially when she was starting half way through the year and in the middle of a school term but that very afternoon. She came home happy!!! And we've never looked back.
The reason kids are bullied the first time varies. But it can simiply because one person doesn't like them, or they are different in someway - maybe they're not sports crazy and prefer to play a guitar or maybe they are quiet. Maybe they just wear the wrong shoes or wear glasses or braces. Sometimes the reason for the bullying starting is so trival. It only takes one bully to make a persons life miserable.
Dont leave it up to your child to handle the situation. You as an adult have a better judge of what you can do to help your child and ignoring the situation and hoping it's a passing faze or hoping it will change next year when they're in different classes does not help your child.
Remember you have no control over the bully - not even the teachers, principal or even the bullys parents have total control over the bully. Even if they are punished which in our case they were not, they will act totally differently when no adults are there to witness it. So you can only help your child to control their own situation and actions and give them ways to resolve the problems they are facing.
Remember your child is the innocent one here. Their only fault is not knowing how to handle the bully. And really even after all the experience I've had with bullies in my life I still don't know how to handle a bully on a face to face level. So I do the next best thing. Handle the situation I am dealing with by removing myself or the victim from that situation.
Remember you can never control someone elses actions. You can only control yourself.
I did not learn this important message until I was well into my adult years. I wish I had known about it and understood it when I was a teenager. It certainly would have made things back then easier.
You can never change someone. Whether it is your partner, husband, work collegue or boss. So if they are doing something that upsets you or saying nasty and hurtful things to you to get a reaction. The only thing you can do about it is deal with how you handle the situation. And the best thing I can suggest is to walk away from it or don't be in the environment where the negative occurs.
So if you are being bullied at school. You really need to handle it in the right manner when it first starts happening. If it goes on and on for too long your self assteem will be affected and you won't clearly be able to deal with the situation as it will becomes all consuming.
When someone starts to bully you. You need to remove yourself from the situation. If they say a smart comment. Ignore it and walk away and go and do something else. If they do not get a reaction out of you they will soon loose interest. Do not say anything back. This is the most important thing. If you say anything to defend yourself you will only get another reaction back. You must say nothing each and every time. Also be careful of your body language as sometimes this speaks louder then words. Walk away confidentally without making a sound, sigh or shrugg. Next make sure you stay in a public area and are never on your own. Try and stay with friends. Tell your close friends whats going on and get them to walk away from the person with you.
The bully will definately keep trying, so keep doing exactly the same thing. Never comment or argue back. Say nothing!!!!!
If the bullying is a more physical type of bullying. You basically have two options. You can stand up for yourself and physically fight back - but this is not always practical as usually the bully picks a smaller, weaker person to pick on. You don't see many 5 foot bullys picking on a 6 foot footballer. So defending yourself might not be appropriate for you. So I suggest you walk away too. Even if you are being called a chicken and kids are laughing at you. Walk away. The bully is the one that needs an attitude fix not you. Walk away. Stay in a public place and don't go off on your own where the bully might find you. Also keep a friend close at all times who will be a witness for you. If you are on your own it is the bullys word against yours and people will normally side with the bully as they are the stronger more confident talker and will get them selves out of trouble by lying.
The next option is to report it. Firstly report it to your parents and keep them informed as to what is happening. Then together with your parents report it to the Principal of the school. If no action go to the head of the Education Department.
Unfortunately reporting the incident sometimes makes the bullying worse. If this happens do what I did for my daughter. Change schools remove your child from the situation before it gets too bad. Oh and even if your child swears they can handle it and they want to stay at the same school don't let them. If the bullying is affecting your childs emotional health and his or her studies are suffering because of it. You must as a parent take action to remove your child from the situation. They are not the cause of the problem! remember this! When they get to a new environment with a totally new group of kids they have a clean slate. They can start again. They may never be bullied again. Don't let your child stay in this emotionally damaging environment.
The fear of starting at a new school and making new friends is bad I know. This is why I never changed schools and put up with it all through high school and then left in year 10 the first chance I could get out of there. I was too scared to change schools I felt more comfortable in a familiar environment the fear of the unknown school was more powerful to me then the bullying. My mother never realised how bad it was for me and never offered to put me in a different school. I actually didn't know at that age that I could even go to a different school I just presumed I had to stay there at that same school and was afraid to ask my mother was I allowed to change schools. My school life would have been very different if my parents did put me in a different school, but my mother was never bullied at school so she didn't understand and it wasn't until I was an adult that I told her about it.
This is why when it got so bad with my daughter I did not hesitate. She wanted to change schools, but even if she had said no. I would have made her. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and this is one of those times. She was hell scared the first day at her new school especially when she was starting half way through the year and in the middle of a school term but that very afternoon. She came home happy!!! And we've never looked back.
The reason kids are bullied the first time varies. But it can simiply because one person doesn't like them, or they are different in someway - maybe they're not sports crazy and prefer to play a guitar or maybe they are quiet. Maybe they just wear the wrong shoes or wear glasses or braces. Sometimes the reason for the bullying starting is so trival. It only takes one bully to make a persons life miserable.
Dont leave it up to your child to handle the situation. You as an adult have a better judge of what you can do to help your child and ignoring the situation and hoping it's a passing faze or hoping it will change next year when they're in different classes does not help your child.
Remember you have no control over the bully - not even the teachers, principal or even the bullys parents have total control over the bully. Even if they are punished which in our case they were not, they will act totally differently when no adults are there to witness it. So you can only help your child to control their own situation and actions and give them ways to resolve the problems they are facing.
Remember your child is the innocent one here. Their only fault is not knowing how to handle the bully. And really even after all the experience I've had with bullies in my life I still don't know how to handle a bully on a face to face level. So I do the next best thing. Handle the situation I am dealing with by removing myself or the victim from that situation.
Are you to blame ?
Are you to blame for the bullying?
If you are being bullied by someone else, whether it be another child at school, a teacher, a work collegue or even your boss. You are not to blame.
The person on the receiving end of someones bullying is never to blame for being bullied. The bully is the one with all the power that is why they bully someone who is different, quieter or less confident then they are.
They are the one that needs to bully someone else in order to feel better about them selves. They get a pay off from upsetting the person that they are bullying.
A child who is a bully will most likely grow up into an adult bully. In some cases it is just there personality and they don't realise the consequences and what it is like to be on the receiving end. Others do it to make them selves feel bigger and powerful in the eyes of their peers. They might not even remember doing it when they grow up they will remember being popular and having lots of friends they won't remember your reaction they probably won't even remember you when they grow up.
An adult who is a bully has to put someone else down to make themselves feel superior and better then the person they are bullying. Unfortunately if this is your boss that is doing the bullying it puts you in a very difficult position.
Remember they are the one with the problem not you.
Just because you are bullied is not a reflection on who you are or some quality that you possess. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. You need to concerntrate on your good qualities and accept the parts of yourself that you don't like. As both your good points and your bad points make up who you are.
It has taken me twenty years to realise that I like who I am. I will meet people in my life that don't like me - and if they don't and decided that the first time we met - well it's them that is missing out on knowing someone who is worth knowing. I now concentrate and improve my good qualities and accept my bad.
Just because someone doesn't like you is no reflection on you as a person. How can it be when they have judged you on your appearance or something you did or said in the first five minutes of meeting you. Who gets to know someone in that amount of time no- one. There are some people in life that just don't make a good first impression. I must be one of these people. However when given the chance I make an excellent long term impression. And it's the long term that really count. There are people out there that make a terrific first impression. But then when you get to know them better they are mean, selfish and full of themselves.
Do you really care what some one you just meet thinks of you. Are you are bad person just because they don't like you. NO NO NO you are not. During your life you will find people who like you, people who love you and people who hate you. That's the way life is. Love the ones that love you, be friendly to the ones who like you and who cares about the ones who hate you. If you've done nothing to be sorry for then let it go. It's their loss not yours.
Basically bullying starts because someone decides for some reason that they don't like you. That is their choice and the reason might be totally untrue and just a fabrication in there mind. A presumption of who they think you are. And just because they think it doesn't mean that it is true.
If you are being bullied by someone else, whether it be another child at school, a teacher, a work collegue or even your boss. You are not to blame.
The person on the receiving end of someones bullying is never to blame for being bullied. The bully is the one with all the power that is why they bully someone who is different, quieter or less confident then they are.
They are the one that needs to bully someone else in order to feel better about them selves. They get a pay off from upsetting the person that they are bullying.
A child who is a bully will most likely grow up into an adult bully. In some cases it is just there personality and they don't realise the consequences and what it is like to be on the receiving end. Others do it to make them selves feel bigger and powerful in the eyes of their peers. They might not even remember doing it when they grow up they will remember being popular and having lots of friends they won't remember your reaction they probably won't even remember you when they grow up.
An adult who is a bully has to put someone else down to make themselves feel superior and better then the person they are bullying. Unfortunately if this is your boss that is doing the bullying it puts you in a very difficult position.
Remember they are the one with the problem not you.
Just because you are bullied is not a reflection on who you are or some quality that you possess. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. You need to concerntrate on your good qualities and accept the parts of yourself that you don't like. As both your good points and your bad points make up who you are.
It has taken me twenty years to realise that I like who I am. I will meet people in my life that don't like me - and if they don't and decided that the first time we met - well it's them that is missing out on knowing someone who is worth knowing. I now concentrate and improve my good qualities and accept my bad.
Just because someone doesn't like you is no reflection on you as a person. How can it be when they have judged you on your appearance or something you did or said in the first five minutes of meeting you. Who gets to know someone in that amount of time no- one. There are some people in life that just don't make a good first impression. I must be one of these people. However when given the chance I make an excellent long term impression. And it's the long term that really count. There are people out there that make a terrific first impression. But then when you get to know them better they are mean, selfish and full of themselves.
Do you really care what some one you just meet thinks of you. Are you are bad person just because they don't like you. NO NO NO you are not. During your life you will find people who like you, people who love you and people who hate you. That's the way life is. Love the ones that love you, be friendly to the ones who like you and who cares about the ones who hate you. If you've done nothing to be sorry for then let it go. It's their loss not yours.
Basically bullying starts because someone decides for some reason that they don't like you. That is their choice and the reason might be totally untrue and just a fabrication in there mind. A presumption of who they think you are. And just because they think it doesn't mean that it is true.
So what is bullying?
Basically there is two forms of bullying.
1. Physical
This tends to be associated more with boys. Boys are definately more physically violent. But Girls too take bullying to the physical level. Hitting, pushing, kicking are usually used by a girl bully.
1. Emotional
Emotional bullying comes from girls and boys but is more common with girls. They verbally and emotionally abuse their victim on a continuous basis. In the technological word of today this emotional bullying comes home with the child in forms of emailing and text messages to the victim.
Either of these methods is equally damaging to the child on the receiving end. Don't think that emotional bullying is the lesser of two evils. Emotional bullying tends to go on for longer periods of time in more subtle ways where it is not always obvious to parents and teachers that it is happening.
As a parent we must be aware of what is going on. As I said in an earlier post. I too was bullied in high school, so it is possible that I was more aware of the signs and picked up on it quicker then a parent who has never been bullied themselves. I certainly understood how it affected my daughters self assteem and emotional well being and understood how it comes home with you and you have to let it out if you are holding it in all day at school. I understood how it can actually make the victim not see that there life is not always going to be like this and yes I admit I thought of suicide when I was a teenager. And knowing what I know now - suicide is never the answer as the years pass, quickly even though they might not seem to at the time - you grow up and get away from influences of these children. So even if you are being bullied never contemplate suicide it is just not the answer.
Adults who where bullies as a child can grow up being an adult bully and if they end up having children chances are they will be bullies as well. If the parent in turn bullies the child they will possibly go the other way and become a very within drawn troubled child.
Victims of bullying sometimes tend to bully others. My daughter tended to bully her younger sister whilst this was going on. You have to be very careful as a parent that you don't allow the older child who is bullying their sibling to think that this is ok as damage will be done to the quieter younger sibling. Understand why the older child is bullying and knock it on the head and advise they do not like being bullied so they should not bully their sister.
1. Physical
This tends to be associated more with boys. Boys are definately more physically violent. But Girls too take bullying to the physical level. Hitting, pushing, kicking are usually used by a girl bully.
1. Emotional
Emotional bullying comes from girls and boys but is more common with girls. They verbally and emotionally abuse their victim on a continuous basis. In the technological word of today this emotional bullying comes home with the child in forms of emailing and text messages to the victim.
Either of these methods is equally damaging to the child on the receiving end. Don't think that emotional bullying is the lesser of two evils. Emotional bullying tends to go on for longer periods of time in more subtle ways where it is not always obvious to parents and teachers that it is happening.
As a parent we must be aware of what is going on. As I said in an earlier post. I too was bullied in high school, so it is possible that I was more aware of the signs and picked up on it quicker then a parent who has never been bullied themselves. I certainly understood how it affected my daughters self assteem and emotional well being and understood how it comes home with you and you have to let it out if you are holding it in all day at school. I understood how it can actually make the victim not see that there life is not always going to be like this and yes I admit I thought of suicide when I was a teenager. And knowing what I know now - suicide is never the answer as the years pass, quickly even though they might not seem to at the time - you grow up and get away from influences of these children. So even if you are being bullied never contemplate suicide it is just not the answer.
Adults who where bullies as a child can grow up being an adult bully and if they end up having children chances are they will be bullies as well. If the parent in turn bullies the child they will possibly go the other way and become a very within drawn troubled child.
Victims of bullying sometimes tend to bully others. My daughter tended to bully her younger sister whilst this was going on. You have to be very careful as a parent that you don't allow the older child who is bullying their sibling to think that this is ok as damage will be done to the quieter younger sibling. Understand why the older child is bullying and knock it on the head and advise they do not like being bullied so they should not bully their sister.
So what happened to Leah you ask
Well it goes to show you that in life - nothing is fair and the good does not always come out on top.
Leah got no punishment for the back stabbing bitchyness.
She will actually be the school captain for 2007.
Isn't that pathetic. I always thought that a school captain should be of the highest character, morals and ethics for the other children to follow her lead.
No you just have to be a bitch be popular and confident and threaten weaker children into liking you and then they'll vote for you. You also have to be a liar and be sweet and innocent to adults so that they think the sun shines out of your behind.
I am sure Leah will go far in life - she'll probably become a politician or a lawyer!!
Leah got no punishment for the back stabbing bitchyness.
She will actually be the school captain for 2007.
Isn't that pathetic. I always thought that a school captain should be of the highest character, morals and ethics for the other children to follow her lead.
No you just have to be a bitch be popular and confident and threaten weaker children into liking you and then they'll vote for you. You also have to be a liar and be sweet and innocent to adults so that they think the sun shines out of your behind.
I am sure Leah will go far in life - she'll probably become a politician or a lawyer!!
New School
Well Kim started at her new school half way through 2006. She was very glad that I was helping her to change schools. She finished out the year. Her end of year report card improved so she was learning better at the new school. She hasn't really made any close friends but has alot of acquaintences and people she talks to at the new school. She comes home happy and is no longer yelling and abusing her sister and family members when she comes home from school. She has not been bullied by any child at this new school. And I advised the Principal about the incident with her teacher at her old school and her Diabetes is kept quiet. The teacher does not make announcements about her Diabetes and things are kept quieter. Her closer friends know about her Diabetes but no dramas are made of it. And this works much better.
Conclusion: I did the right thing changing schools for my daughters - emotionally and educationally she is alot better off.
Her two best friends from her old school are still her best friends and if anything their friendship is better because they don't see each other every day. They still see each other on the weekends and in the school holidays and they text each other daily. These two friends are clearly her true friends. The friendship is two ways - they are always making the effort to ring or chase up Kim just as much as she rings or chases up them. It is not always Kim doing the chasing. And this is the way it should be.
I asked the girls was anything said at the school when Kim suddenly did not return. They told me that the Principal had given a speech about not bullying and that bullying will not be tolerated at the assembly on the day Kim left. But to me this is just words. As no actions are ever taken to punish the bullies or stop them doing it. So of course they are going to keep doing it. I think this type of speech is just for show. So that to the parents watching the assembly they think that the Principal and the school will act if there child is bullied. But this is just not the case.
Conclusion: I did the right thing changing schools for my daughters - emotionally and educationally she is alot better off.
Her two best friends from her old school are still her best friends and if anything their friendship is better because they don't see each other every day. They still see each other on the weekends and in the school holidays and they text each other daily. These two friends are clearly her true friends. The friendship is two ways - they are always making the effort to ring or chase up Kim just as much as she rings or chases up them. It is not always Kim doing the chasing. And this is the way it should be.
I asked the girls was anything said at the school when Kim suddenly did not return. They told me that the Principal had given a speech about not bullying and that bullying will not be tolerated at the assembly on the day Kim left. But to me this is just words. As no actions are ever taken to punish the bullies or stop them doing it. So of course they are going to keep doing it. I think this type of speech is just for show. So that to the parents watching the assembly they think that the Principal and the school will act if there child is bullied. But this is just not the case.
The incident
The reason I am starting this blog is to discuss a major problem in our schools that nothing seems to ever get done about - school yard bullying. Schools and the Education Department will tell you that they are handling school bullying. Well this is a load of rubbish. Bullying was around when I was at school back in the late seventies early eighties. Nothing was done then. If anything the person being bullied tended to get the blame. Nothing was ever done to the bully back then and history has repeated itself with my daughter. Only difference was the bullying I went through occurred in the early high school years. But now bullying is starting at a much younger age. It is happening in Primary schools. When I was primary I only ever came across one incident with a bully. But in high school it was so bad it made me leave school as soon as I could. I left in year ten because I hated the bullying so much it turned me off school, when in fact I liked the school learning environment.
Life repeated itself when my daughter reached third class. There was a girl - Leah - I won't mention any last names as this blog is not to get back at this particular girl but to speak out about what is really happening. This girl can be described as the popular girl of that grade. She started hanging around my daughter Kim as she only lives a street away I encouraged the friendship and let her come over. After a few visits it became apparent something was wrong as she kept saying to Kim that she could only be her friend at home - after school and on the weekends and holidays but they could never be friends at school, because her other two friends part of the popular group - Nikki and Sasha(sisters) - had never liked Kim and they said that if Leah hung around Kim they would not be Leah's friend. The friendship developed and Leah came over quite alot, slept over and Kim went over her place. But she never socialised with Kim at school if anything she ignored her totally at school in the beginning. She even came to Kims 10th birthday party which was at the end of the school year in third class.
Leah is a what I call a barbie doll type of girl. Blonde, skinny and will definately be attractive when she is older. She came across very sweet and innocent to myself and to her teachers, because of the way she looks and speaks. But when there is no adults around her true self comes out.
The friendship out side school eventually stopped as Kim could see she was only using her. I tried to explain that a true friend would never treat her so badly at school and hide the friendship at home. So she was being her friend for another reason. She was using Kim - whether she played with her so that she could then go to school and talk about her behind her back I don't know. But the ignoring at school quickly turned into nastiness, back stabbing and spreading rumours to Kims other friends. I thought it would stop if she just stayed away from her and ignored it.
Leah and Kim where in different classes the following year and this is where the obvious bullying started to take place. She would verbally abuse Kim, trip her over and worst of all try and turn all of the friends Kim had against her. Saying that if they stayed friends with Kim they would be come an enemy of the popular group. Kim's two best friends confirmed that this was going on. And told me what was being said about Kim. I reported this to her fourth class teacher on numerous times and Kim talked to her about it alot. Her teacher tried to teach her how to deal with the bullying rather then dealling with the bully and getting the bully into trouble. Kim became very attached to her fourth class teacher and stayed in class at lunch time and after school to help the teacher. Now I see she did this to stay away from Leah and her group and she made a friend of her teacher so that the bullying was barable to her. Because she could look forward to going to school to see her favorite teacher.
Then an incident happened one afternoon after school. Leah phoned Kim and told her to meet her at the lane way. Kim presumed they were going to make up and become friends again so off she went. In less then ten minutes she was back home again. She was crying and shaking and I finally got it out of her that Leah had phoned her to come to the lane way just so she could tell her how much she hated her and call her names.
A week or so later. Leah phoned again. I could hear Nikki and Sasha laughing in the background. She said she wanted Kim to come to the lane way as she wanted to say she was sorry for what she'd said. I thought to myself if this was true why was Nikki and Sasha - two girls who had never liked Kim laughing in the background - something was up. I told Leah that Kim couldn't come to the phone and if they wanted to say something they should come around to our place as Kim was not meeting her at the lane way.
When they arrived a few minutes later my daughter stood inside petrified to go out. I asked the three of them what they wanted. Leah said they want Kim to come out. I told Nikki and Sasha to go home as they were not very nice girls and had never been friends of my daughters so there is no reason for them to be here. Once they walked away I said to Leah that this has gone on long enough. You need to decide if you want to be friends with Kim if so be nice to her and stop being mean to her. If not go away and leave her alone. She turned around and said that if I was going to be mean to Nikki and Sasha she didn't want to be Kims friend and left.
I told the school about the incident and about the phone calls that had been going on for weeks and there had been another visit when they came to the door and when Kimberley came out they just laughed and went away. This happened prior to the incident when I spoke to them and Kim stayed inside. I told her teacher again about the pushing over and black mailing her friends. Another incident happened that same week and this time Kims friends where witnesses to what happened. I had told Kim to make sure she stays with her friends so that she always has someone to back up what happens. Kims teacher spoke to Leahs teacher who spoke to Leah Nikki and Sasha who where all in his class. Kims teacher told me that he was very hash with the girls and that Kims friends had backed her up about all the bullying and black mailing that had been going on. But that was basically all that happened. The girls did not receive any disciplinary action, their parents were not notified. They weren't even given detension.
For the rest of year 4 and half way through year 5 Kim just put up with the bullying. It never went away. They didn't ring up or come over anymore. This stopped after I talked to them. But the verbal abuse, black mail and tripping over and pushing still continued. It got worse during the beginning of year 5. She no longer had a sympathetic teacher. Her teacher in Year 5 did not like Kim for reasons unknown to me or her and she actually helped to make the situation worse as you'll see in a minute.
Kim was becoming very depressed. Every afternoon after school she exploded about the smallest thing and this was because she had to keep it all bottled up inside at school each day and when she came home the anger all just boiled out. My daughter is a very studious, quiet child at school. All her reports say this. The only thing she has ever had trouble with is being a bit bossy when she was younger and not being able to tell when a child likes her or not. Sometimes this is hard for a child as the other child is not always honest and they usually say one thing to your face and then the opposite behind your back. I don't know why people just can't be more honest and say no I dont want to play with you and leave it at that. Instead they pretend to your face that they like you then as soon as your back is turned they tell their friends that they can't stand you.
This bullying all came to a head half way through year 5. Kim was due to go on a camp with her school. Her two best friends couldn't afford to go. Leah and her group were all going. The years of bullying had turned alot of the other girls against Kim. Even if they liked her they would not openly show this as then they would become targets for Leah to bully them as well. Kim has been a type 1 insulin dependant diabetic since she was 4 years old. The teacher that Kim had in year 5 was very ill informed and on a number of occasions made a big deal about her diabetes in a derrogative way infront of the other children. This same week that Kim was having trouble finding someone who would buddy her when they went on the camp. Her teacher stood up in class and made a big speech about not touching Kims finger prick as you can get a disease such as hepatitis or aids from needles. Kim shrank in her chair wishing the floor would open up and swallow her. She was so humiliated. This sort of talk only helped to alienate her even more and back up Leahs lies to the other children that they should not hang around Kim.
Firstly let me clarify something. It is totally impossible to catch a disease such as hepatits or aids from a diabetic child who has never shared needles. These diseases are passed from drug addicts who share infected dirty syringes. A finger prick that tests her blood that has never been used by anyone else poses no threat at all. Kim wouldn't want other kids touching it and putting there germs on it anyway. She is always very responsible. The incident that prompted the teacher to say this is because a disabled boy had touched her finger prick case. He had not touched the needle inside the finger pricker. It was more likely that the machine might have gotten broken by the boy rather then him getting a disease from it. Diabetes is not contagious and if you don't have hepatitis or aids you can't catch anything from the persons blood. The only reason health workers etc are so careful when dealing with blood is because of the fact that they don't know what the person has and they could carry a disease. But for a teacher to say to the children that they can catch these diseases from a diabetic child is just plan disgraceful. If she wanted to protect the children all she had to say was don't touch Kims finger prick as it might get broken. Then no embarrassment or alienation to anyone would have happened. I was furious about this incident and was going up to the school to complain about the teacher when kim came home from school balling her eyes out. No one would bunk with her as they didn't want to catch her diabetes or a disease. Well that was the last straw. I rang up another school the next morning and transfered Kim to another public school. I then went up to her original school and told them that Kim was being emotionally effected by the bullying and prejudice at the school. I had to be careful what I said to the Deputy Principal as my youngest daughter would not be changing schools as she was happy and had great friends and the bullying had not started as she was only in year 1. So I left her there and didn't want the school taking a dislike to our family and taking it out on her so I basically kept my mouth shut.
I actually felt like complaining to the Education Dept. about Leahs bullying and the lack of action that was taken against her and I definately wanted to complain about the prejudicial behaviour from the idiot ill informed teacher who over the past six months of the school year had made the bullying worse by treating Kimberley like an out cast and saying in appropriate comments in regards to Kims Diabetes. Another time she told Kim that what she ate for lunch was inappropriate (WRONG) Kims diet is approved by her Dietician as she has to eat correct amounts of carbohydrates with each snack and meal to prevent hypos as she is on insulin.
Life repeated itself when my daughter reached third class. There was a girl - Leah - I won't mention any last names as this blog is not to get back at this particular girl but to speak out about what is really happening. This girl can be described as the popular girl of that grade. She started hanging around my daughter Kim as she only lives a street away I encouraged the friendship and let her come over. After a few visits it became apparent something was wrong as she kept saying to Kim that she could only be her friend at home - after school and on the weekends and holidays but they could never be friends at school, because her other two friends part of the popular group - Nikki and Sasha(sisters) - had never liked Kim and they said that if Leah hung around Kim they would not be Leah's friend. The friendship developed and Leah came over quite alot, slept over and Kim went over her place. But she never socialised with Kim at school if anything she ignored her totally at school in the beginning. She even came to Kims 10th birthday party which was at the end of the school year in third class.
Leah is a what I call a barbie doll type of girl. Blonde, skinny and will definately be attractive when she is older. She came across very sweet and innocent to myself and to her teachers, because of the way she looks and speaks. But when there is no adults around her true self comes out.
The friendship out side school eventually stopped as Kim could see she was only using her. I tried to explain that a true friend would never treat her so badly at school and hide the friendship at home. So she was being her friend for another reason. She was using Kim - whether she played with her so that she could then go to school and talk about her behind her back I don't know. But the ignoring at school quickly turned into nastiness, back stabbing and spreading rumours to Kims other friends. I thought it would stop if she just stayed away from her and ignored it.
Leah and Kim where in different classes the following year and this is where the obvious bullying started to take place. She would verbally abuse Kim, trip her over and worst of all try and turn all of the friends Kim had against her. Saying that if they stayed friends with Kim they would be come an enemy of the popular group. Kim's two best friends confirmed that this was going on. And told me what was being said about Kim. I reported this to her fourth class teacher on numerous times and Kim talked to her about it alot. Her teacher tried to teach her how to deal with the bullying rather then dealling with the bully and getting the bully into trouble. Kim became very attached to her fourth class teacher and stayed in class at lunch time and after school to help the teacher. Now I see she did this to stay away from Leah and her group and she made a friend of her teacher so that the bullying was barable to her. Because she could look forward to going to school to see her favorite teacher.
Then an incident happened one afternoon after school. Leah phoned Kim and told her to meet her at the lane way. Kim presumed they were going to make up and become friends again so off she went. In less then ten minutes she was back home again. She was crying and shaking and I finally got it out of her that Leah had phoned her to come to the lane way just so she could tell her how much she hated her and call her names.
A week or so later. Leah phoned again. I could hear Nikki and Sasha laughing in the background. She said she wanted Kim to come to the lane way as she wanted to say she was sorry for what she'd said. I thought to myself if this was true why was Nikki and Sasha - two girls who had never liked Kim laughing in the background - something was up. I told Leah that Kim couldn't come to the phone and if they wanted to say something they should come around to our place as Kim was not meeting her at the lane way.
When they arrived a few minutes later my daughter stood inside petrified to go out. I asked the three of them what they wanted. Leah said they want Kim to come out. I told Nikki and Sasha to go home as they were not very nice girls and had never been friends of my daughters so there is no reason for them to be here. Once they walked away I said to Leah that this has gone on long enough. You need to decide if you want to be friends with Kim if so be nice to her and stop being mean to her. If not go away and leave her alone. She turned around and said that if I was going to be mean to Nikki and Sasha she didn't want to be Kims friend and left.
I told the school about the incident and about the phone calls that had been going on for weeks and there had been another visit when they came to the door and when Kimberley came out they just laughed and went away. This happened prior to the incident when I spoke to them and Kim stayed inside. I told her teacher again about the pushing over and black mailing her friends. Another incident happened that same week and this time Kims friends where witnesses to what happened. I had told Kim to make sure she stays with her friends so that she always has someone to back up what happens. Kims teacher spoke to Leahs teacher who spoke to Leah Nikki and Sasha who where all in his class. Kims teacher told me that he was very hash with the girls and that Kims friends had backed her up about all the bullying and black mailing that had been going on. But that was basically all that happened. The girls did not receive any disciplinary action, their parents were not notified. They weren't even given detension.
For the rest of year 4 and half way through year 5 Kim just put up with the bullying. It never went away. They didn't ring up or come over anymore. This stopped after I talked to them. But the verbal abuse, black mail and tripping over and pushing still continued. It got worse during the beginning of year 5. She no longer had a sympathetic teacher. Her teacher in Year 5 did not like Kim for reasons unknown to me or her and she actually helped to make the situation worse as you'll see in a minute.
Kim was becoming very depressed. Every afternoon after school she exploded about the smallest thing and this was because she had to keep it all bottled up inside at school each day and when she came home the anger all just boiled out. My daughter is a very studious, quiet child at school. All her reports say this. The only thing she has ever had trouble with is being a bit bossy when she was younger and not being able to tell when a child likes her or not. Sometimes this is hard for a child as the other child is not always honest and they usually say one thing to your face and then the opposite behind your back. I don't know why people just can't be more honest and say no I dont want to play with you and leave it at that. Instead they pretend to your face that they like you then as soon as your back is turned they tell their friends that they can't stand you.
This bullying all came to a head half way through year 5. Kim was due to go on a camp with her school. Her two best friends couldn't afford to go. Leah and her group were all going. The years of bullying had turned alot of the other girls against Kim. Even if they liked her they would not openly show this as then they would become targets for Leah to bully them as well. Kim has been a type 1 insulin dependant diabetic since she was 4 years old. The teacher that Kim had in year 5 was very ill informed and on a number of occasions made a big deal about her diabetes in a derrogative way infront of the other children. This same week that Kim was having trouble finding someone who would buddy her when they went on the camp. Her teacher stood up in class and made a big speech about not touching Kims finger prick as you can get a disease such as hepatitis or aids from needles. Kim shrank in her chair wishing the floor would open up and swallow her. She was so humiliated. This sort of talk only helped to alienate her even more and back up Leahs lies to the other children that they should not hang around Kim.
Firstly let me clarify something. It is totally impossible to catch a disease such as hepatits or aids from a diabetic child who has never shared needles. These diseases are passed from drug addicts who share infected dirty syringes. A finger prick that tests her blood that has never been used by anyone else poses no threat at all. Kim wouldn't want other kids touching it and putting there germs on it anyway. She is always very responsible. The incident that prompted the teacher to say this is because a disabled boy had touched her finger prick case. He had not touched the needle inside the finger pricker. It was more likely that the machine might have gotten broken by the boy rather then him getting a disease from it. Diabetes is not contagious and if you don't have hepatitis or aids you can't catch anything from the persons blood. The only reason health workers etc are so careful when dealing with blood is because of the fact that they don't know what the person has and they could carry a disease. But for a teacher to say to the children that they can catch these diseases from a diabetic child is just plan disgraceful. If she wanted to protect the children all she had to say was don't touch Kims finger prick as it might get broken. Then no embarrassment or alienation to anyone would have happened. I was furious about this incident and was going up to the school to complain about the teacher when kim came home from school balling her eyes out. No one would bunk with her as they didn't want to catch her diabetes or a disease. Well that was the last straw. I rang up another school the next morning and transfered Kim to another public school. I then went up to her original school and told them that Kim was being emotionally effected by the bullying and prejudice at the school. I had to be careful what I said to the Deputy Principal as my youngest daughter would not be changing schools as she was happy and had great friends and the bullying had not started as she was only in year 1. So I left her there and didn't want the school taking a dislike to our family and taking it out on her so I basically kept my mouth shut.
I actually felt like complaining to the Education Dept. about Leahs bullying and the lack of action that was taken against her and I definately wanted to complain about the prejudicial behaviour from the idiot ill informed teacher who over the past six months of the school year had made the bullying worse by treating Kimberley like an out cast and saying in appropriate comments in regards to Kims Diabetes. Another time she told Kim that what she ate for lunch was inappropriate (WRONG) Kims diet is approved by her Dietician as she has to eat correct amounts of carbohydrates with each snack and meal to prevent hypos as she is on insulin.
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