How do I handle the bullying?

Whenever we are being bullied it is always going to affect us. The main thing that you can do is not personalise what the bully is saying to you.

Remember you can never control someone elses actions. You can only control yourself.

I did not learn this important message until I was well into my adult years. I wish I had known about it and understood it when I was a teenager. It certainly would have made things back then easier.

You can never change someone. Whether it is your partner, husband, work collegue or boss. So if they are doing something that upsets you or saying nasty and hurtful things to you to get a reaction. The only thing you can do about it is deal with how you handle the situation. And the best thing I can suggest is to walk away from it or don't be in the environment where the negative occurs.

So if you are being bullied at school. You really need to handle it in the right manner when it first starts happening. If it goes on and on for too long your self assteem will be affected and you won't clearly be able to deal with the situation as it will becomes all consuming.

When someone starts to bully you. You need to remove yourself from the situation. If they say a smart comment. Ignore it and walk away and go and do something else. If they do not get a reaction out of you they will soon loose interest. Do not say anything back. This is the most important thing. If you say anything to defend yourself you will only get another reaction back. You must say nothing each and every time. Also be careful of your body language as sometimes this speaks louder then words. Walk away confidentally without making a sound, sigh or shrugg. Next make sure you stay in a public area and are never on your own. Try and stay with friends. Tell your close friends whats going on and get them to walk away from the person with you.

The bully will definately keep trying, so keep doing exactly the same thing. Never comment or argue back. Say nothing!!!!!

If the bullying is a more physical type of bullying. You basically have two options. You can stand up for yourself and physically fight back - but this is not always practical as usually the bully picks a smaller, weaker person to pick on. You don't see many 5 foot bullys picking on a 6 foot footballer. So defending yourself might not be appropriate for you. So I suggest you walk away too. Even if you are being called a chicken and kids are laughing at you. Walk away. The bully is the one that needs an attitude fix not you. Walk away. Stay in a public place and don't go off on your own where the bully might find you. Also keep a friend close at all times who will be a witness for you. If you are on your own it is the bullys word against yours and people will normally side with the bully as they are the stronger more confident talker and will get them selves out of trouble by lying.

The next option is to report it. Firstly report it to your parents and keep them informed as to what is happening. Then together with your parents report it to the Principal of the school. If no action go to the head of the Education Department.

Unfortunately reporting the incident sometimes makes the bullying worse. If this happens do what I did for my daughter. Change schools remove your child from the situation before it gets too bad. Oh and even if your child swears they can handle it and they want to stay at the same school don't let them. If the bullying is affecting your childs emotional health and his or her studies are suffering because of it. You must as a parent take action to remove your child from the situation. They are not the cause of the problem! remember this! When they get to a new environment with a totally new group of kids they have a clean slate. They can start again. They may never be bullied again. Don't let your child stay in this emotionally damaging environment.

The fear of starting at a new school and making new friends is bad I know. This is why I never changed schools and put up with it all through high school and then left in year 10 the first chance I could get out of there. I was too scared to change schools I felt more comfortable in a familiar environment the fear of the unknown school was more powerful to me then the bullying. My mother never realised how bad it was for me and never offered to put me in a different school. I actually didn't know at that age that I could even go to a different school I just presumed I had to stay there at that same school and was afraid to ask my mother was I allowed to change schools. My school life would have been very different if my parents did put me in a different school, but my mother was never bullied at school so she didn't understand and it wasn't until I was an adult that I told her about it.

This is why when it got so bad with my daughter I did not hesitate. She wanted to change schools, but even if she had said no. I would have made her. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and this is one of those times. She was hell scared the first day at her new school especially when she was starting half way through the year and in the middle of a school term but that very afternoon. She came home happy!!! And we've never looked back.

The reason kids are bullied the first time varies. But it can simiply because one person doesn't like them, or they are different in someway - maybe they're not sports crazy and prefer to play a guitar or maybe they are quiet. Maybe they just wear the wrong shoes or wear glasses or braces. Sometimes the reason for the bullying starting is so trival. It only takes one bully to make a persons life miserable.

Dont leave it up to your child to handle the situation. You as an adult have a better judge of what you can do to help your child and ignoring the situation and hoping it's a passing faze or hoping it will change next year when they're in different classes does not help your child.

Remember you have no control over the bully - not even the teachers, principal or even the bullys parents have total control over the bully. Even if they are punished which in our case they were not, they will act totally differently when no adults are there to witness it. So you can only help your child to control their own situation and actions and give them ways to resolve the problems they are facing.

Remember your child is the innocent one here. Their only fault is not knowing how to handle the bully. And really even after all the experience I've had with bullies in my life I still don't know how to handle a bully on a face to face level. So I do the next best thing. Handle the situation I am dealing with by removing myself or the victim from that situation.